Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Vegetarians

So, for quite some time now, long enough to matter, I've been carrying on a tradition I began myself. This long-enough-honored tradition is that of monologuing! Yes, at any distinct point in time when I'm alone or in the presence of people who for unfathomable reasons may refuse to interact with me, I compose and wonderfully deliver monologues. They range in topic from religion, yogurt, and insanity to...well, never mind, that pretty much covers all the topics thusfar.
The latest monologue about insanity was delivered in the frequent venue of... my hallway bathroom.
Since my monologues are birthed in quick bursts of creative genius, I fail to transcribe them into a readable not-inside-my-head format...
BUT, I figure I should try my knack for writing. I will, ladies and gentlemen, now (hopefully) perform the amazing feat of...CAPTURING A FLEETING MONOLOGUE IN FACEBOOK NOTE FOOOORM.

Character: Me
[enter me]
Everything I eat turns into poop. As a vegetarian, every former life of a food IS the food. I don't eat deer because it's Bambi. I don't eat pigs because they're intelligent. I could never eat chicken because they're majestic birds, despite their lack of flight. It's only logical that if I have knowledge of its future lives...that these too are acknowledged. I cannot eat a chicken wing because it was once just that...A CHICKEN'S WING. My highly developed sense of righteousness prevents me from ingesting something that was once part of a lovely bird! That's that. I suppose I have to find some poop-free food in the healthy eating section of the grocery store. How could I eat poop? I could never be hungry enough for that! Ideals are ideals!

I am disgusted with all of you, poop-eaters!
YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT


(poop wasn't originally the monologue...the first few fleeting monologues were eaten by the computer's inability to stay on the facebook page without DELETING MY WORK >< perhaps later I'll do a more serious, yet entertaining monologue)